´ Adoption and Reframing -
June 18, 2016

We have this cultural narrative that being adopted means that you are always supposed to feel a hole, to feel incomplete. Often people expect them to have abandonment issues. There’s evidence to prove that you were abandoned, after all, if you weren’t given away, you would be with your biological parents. Nobody could blame someone for feeling this way. Yet because we see some variation of this in books, movies and soap operas it’s easy to believe that this is the only way we respond to it. Kristin Chenoweth decided to think of it in a different way. See she decided to put herself in her biological mother’s shoes. Isn’t it the biggest sacrifice to give up your own child? Don’t even the most immature mothers know that they might feel incomplete and guilty their whole life yet that if they would hold on to the child, they could not provide, either physically, psychologically or both? So Kristin came to the conclusion that to give your baby away so that this baby could have a better life is a loving sacrifice.
Then she decided to look at the folks who adopted her. They wanted her more than anything. Not only were they ready to do all the things that parents do, they were ready to do it for someone who was not their flesh and blood. Someone who might one day break their heart by yelling that they are not her ‘real parents’ and don’t have anything to say to her. Yet they took that risk. They put in the loving and hard work of raising her. Feeling unloved under these circumstances just made no sense. She could struggle yes. She could have dark days and wonder. She says “I’m not saying it’s not hard or that it’s easy for people to understand. But it really isn’t for the world to understand; it’s for the people who are involved.”
Yet she could never rationally say that she was not loved. As she put it, “I know that I came from love, and I know that I have love.”

All of you will make their own conclusions based on this story. To me it means that sometimes we don’t have to accept the pain that society wants to put on our shoulder. Sometimes we can examine the facts ourselves and reframe for the better.

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